Ever get to a place where you just can't stop thinking about something? That is happening to me right now. I was expecting to hear some news today, which never came. It is something that has been lingering on my mind all day and all night. It's bothering me so much, I cannot sleep.

Anytime you apply for something, you put yourself out there - out there to be judged - out there to be accepted or rejected by someone else. I tell people all the time that trying to seek approval from others is probably not the best idea. As I put the mirror up to my face, I see the hippocrite staring at me. Self acceptance and self confidence go so much further than seeking approval from others, right? At least that's what I tell people.

I have worked hard to get where I am at right now in my career. I have worked hard during the application process. Now, I don't want to sound like I have sense of entitlement - because I hate that. Just because you work at a job for a certain number of years, or just because you worked hard during the process - this doesn't entitle you to be selected. Sure, there are selection criteria, but in the back of your mind, I ask myself, "What are the other criteria that I don't know about?"

Did the selection committee judge by merit, or was there some other factor in play? People always say, "It's not what you know, it's who you know." I never really believed that, that is, until today. Of course, the first reaction is to blame the process. Yeah, that's right. The judges were out to get me. I never really had a chance in the first place. Why did I put myself in a situation where I could be rejected?

Am I a sore loser? Maybe. Is this sour grapes? Maybe. Am I whining? Absolutely. But, it's my blog, right? I just had to blog about this emotion that I'm feeling. Yes, it's irrational. Yes, it's illogical. But, that's the core of emotion. And, that's where I'm at right now. Whew! I feel a little better blogging about it.

I think I just need to try to get some rest and move forward from this small bump in the road. Then, I can let this go. Tomorrow is a new day - a new day with new opportunities.

As I drift off to sleep, as all the consipracy theories are flying through my head, I cannot help but wonder if I am an innocent victim of a lie told in silence....

Thanks Cathy, for the opportunity to share my story.
Here are the other authors:

Mary Anne from "Life in Qualicum Beach"
Dr. Jordan from In My Humble Opinion
Wolfbaby from "Dreaming and Believing"
Moof from "A Moof's Tale"
Kim from "Emergiblog"
KT from "Kt Living"
Difficult Patient from "Ripple of Hope "
Jasmin from Shadow Writer
Empress Bee (Of the High sea)
PK from Pearls and Dreams
The Laundress from Dirty Laundry
The Wandering Author of The Unending Journey Of The Wandering Author
Amin from Write-Now
Who Wouda Thunk It From Another Day In Paradise
Brian from Truth is Freedon
At Your Cervix (R.N.) from At Your Cervix
Ipanema from Irish Cornwall
May From About A Nurse