May is Brain Cancer Awareness Month. Our local television station, WKBN in Youngstown, Ohio, contacted me to share the story of my father and my story during this month to raise awareness for brain cancer. I’ve learned a lot about this tragic disease, and I have learned a lot about myself in the process.
The TV interview was recently broadcast, and it was a well done three minute report. What I want to share with you here is the rest of the story, and the behind the scenes interview in which I really open up in a way that I never have publicly, and probably never will again.
What you’ll see in this article is the video of most of the 15 minute interview that WKBN reporter Jacob Thompson did at my office, which is the Family Practice Center of Salem. His opening questions were about me describing my father and him enjoying being the life of the party, and enjoying activities like karaoke.
In the middle and end of this video, he really started digging deeper into what was happening to my dad during the course of his symptoms, his diagnosis, and the family’s decision to have dad at home at the end, with hospice, to let nature take its course. The questions became more personal, which caused me to dig deeper into my emotions, to places where I haven’t been in a few months. I knew at anytime, I could have paused the interview, or stopped the interview altogether. But, I challenged myself to journey onward to those intense emotions, where I haven’t been in months.
I was asked to describe that final day and night of my dad’s life, which I really haven’t shared publicly, until now. This was very painful to re-live, but in a way, I felt ok telling the story, getting it out there, and to no longer have it within me. The last thing I share in this video is the guilt that I still occasionally feel about being a son and being a physician, and still not able to help my father to survive this cancer. You’ll see me really trying to hold it together for the last 2 minutes of this video as the emotions surge inside of me.
Also during this interview, I share how I have been dealing with grieving process, and I shared that being transparent, and utilizing social media, this is one way that I have been trying to process my emotions, and trying to share with all of you where I am at with things. I’ll probably never do a public interview like this again. But, I wanted to share it with all of you as a snapshot where I’m at. If I can help one of you out there by sharing this, then I’m glad that I helped someone today….