Fog

Kind of feel like in a tail spin right now. Not really motivated to do anything. I had an entire free day to myself. What did I do? Slept most of the day, to be honest with you. You know when you finally have a vacation, you have this list of stuff that you have to do? I really did not want to do any of that.

There were five or six times today when I sat down and actually tried to blog about something -- anything. Not really motivated to do any of that either *gasp* Call it writers block. Call it feeling out of gas. Call it being in a fog and trying to find my way back.

I remember when I was back in school, summer break was the time when there was less stress. I actually had some time to get out and relax and play golf and other outside activities. I could also just let my mind wander, and just think about anything - not just business, meaning school. I miss those summer breaks.

I also used summer as a time to reflect. A kind of mark in the road to see where I've been and where I'm going. In a way, this week is kind of like that. I've been looking back to some of my first posts. This is Not a Medical Blog, I proclaimed on June 20, 2006. I knew it back then, why am I pretending that it's different now?

This blog is the observations of a doc out there just trying to make it in America today. Yes, from time to time there may be some medical commentary. From time to time there may be some ranting. From time to time, I may even say something funny.

That's the real reason I started blogging. I knew that there are a lot of blogs out there that do medicine all the time - there's nothing wrong with that. I think over the past few weeks, I was fooling myself in thinking I was doing the same thing.

Someone sent me this message, "Hey Doc. No offense, but your medical posts aren't all that 'hard core.'" That really kind of hit me. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't mean. But, it was true. My blog is not to report the latest medical stories. My blog is not to report the latest medical research. There are a lot of other blogs out there that already do this, and do this well.

I admit I was seduced by my numbers as they improved. For me, it became about keeping up the numbers. I felt this rush as my numbers passed 100 then 200 visits a day and higher than that. This is the point when blogging became feeling like a job. And, I never wanted blogging to be like that.

Sorry about all the rambling. I don't know if I'm looking for a new direction and/or a new freshness to my blog. Still kind of feel like I'm in a fog...